...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
