This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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