We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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