Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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