I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
