I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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