I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
