I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just invented taco cereal.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
