i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
