i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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