Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
