I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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