I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
