was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
