I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
