It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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