Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
