dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
