great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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