Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
