i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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