Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
