i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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