I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
