it was like his penis was on wheels.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize