I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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