yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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