Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
