Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
