I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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