??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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