Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize