He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
