some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
