hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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