I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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