So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have aggressive nipples.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
