I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
ok first of all what the fuck
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
