We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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