No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize