think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
