Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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