at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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