bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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