I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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