I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
