i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
whose ass print is on the piano?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
