my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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