dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
