All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
