I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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