that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
