I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
