Swine flu. Run for my life!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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