okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
