I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Drunk is not a location!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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