I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
