I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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