i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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