I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
