Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
even my farts smell like vagina
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
