i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
