So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
