very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
