My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
