Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
